What did you just say?

A very long blog, but come with me…
It may seem like scattered thoughts, but don’t stop, keep reading…

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2 Saturdays ago, I struggled with a stinking heart attitude. Have you ever had one of those days? Mine lasted for 2 weeks as I wrestled with God.

At the back of my mind I knew I was ‘giving out a strong stench’ and it was coming from a sense of disappointment and helplessness mix with ‘failure’ to transfer and zap to life that which lies dormant and in slumber. I just wanted to give up! I was like having a go at God, emptying out verbal vomit ‘what’s the point, why should I waste my time? Why can’t I have and live ‘ME’ days, just U & me, and not carry a burden and passion to see Your children step into the purposes and call on their life, living and walking in that abundant life, responding passionately to Your passionate love for them and their every actions be a love respond to Your love.

This year I had been there a few times, felt that, push through that ‘I want to give up, & as long as I’m growing in You, why do I need to bother about others growth?’. But the Spirit wouldn’t give me peace, wouldn’t say yes to giving up, yet I allow myself to be led and dominated by my emotions and fed my frustration and disappointment every other day of the 2 weeks.

Do you know, what u feed yourself with in the private, determines what comes out in your words, actions, decisions, and determines whether your sight and sensitivity to His presence and voice.

I’m passionate about worship. Each time I worship, I throw everything out of the window and go to my Lord in abandonment. Before I get on stage to lead others into His presence, I make sure I get a revelation of each song in my own time with Him, that what flows out of me, will not be a performance, but it will be birth from my intimate time with God & revelation.

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We have been singing Saviour King in Church. The words that so grip my heart is:

‘Let now Your Church shine as Your Bride
That You saw in Your heart
As You offer up Your life’.

I’m passionate about His Church. Passionate about raising a generations of passionate lovers of our Saviour King. I love songs of declaration and prophecy. God saw His Church shining even before His death and He went to the cross for His Church.

In ‘Hosanna’ opening lyrics:

‘I see the King of glory, coming on the clouds with fire, the whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes…’

Verse 2: ‘I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith, with selfless faith, I see a near revival stirring as we pray and seek, we’re on our knees, we’re on our knees’

My question to us is, what do we see?

What do YOU see?

We can’t be women without vision, we can’t live a life just seeing things in the natural.

Women of God, we are empowered to ‘call into being that which does not exist’!!
So what you you see?
And what are you doing with what you see?

Are the things you ‘see’ bigger than yourself?
Awesome!!
Get on your knees & seek His face & call it into being!

I see a generation rising, that’s why I am passionate about the generations. I see army of God with my spiritual eyes.

I see the King of Glory coming, each time I declare those lyrics, I see it, I see it.

What do you see? Cos it determines the cost you are wiling to pay. It determines the sacrifices you are willing to make. People with convictions and have seen and seen and seen, will lay down their lives for the Cause.
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God challenged me…
“What did you sing passionately in Saviour King just 2 hours ago in church?’

I replied:
‘You ask Your Son, to carry this, the heavy cross, a weight of sin. …
I give my life, to honour this,
The love of Christ, the Saviour King’

And He asked me:
‘what are u giving your life to? What does the word ‘this’ refers to?

And He showed me a picture and narrated the scene:
‘people jeered and mocked Me
yet it was for these very people I carried the cross
and walk and walk and walk
with thorns as My crown
I walk and walk

I saw the scene played out, and Jesus turned to me and asked, Winnie will you come and help me carry this weight
And walk with me?

My frustration was silenced. Tears couldn’t stop streaming as I drove. I sang I give me life to honour this, it was a declaration of commitment, of love and yet my ‘complaints’ far reflected what I sang.

God carried the heavy heavy cross, and the nails that He bored were sharp, they were so sharp it pierced right through His hands, into the wooden cross. And yes, He could hear the mocking of people, He could see the passer-bys who just stared, indifferent. He knew they wouldn’t appreciate Him yet the depth of His love for us led to His unfailing commitment till death. He saw what could be, that with His death, men & women will be given a gift of hope, a gift of life.

My God called and gave me the privilege of serving Him & shepherding His people (carrying the cross), what a humbling privilege, but I would be nailing Him repeatedly and spitting at His offer to carry His cross. I had loose sight of the cross at that moment of dwelling in my frustration and heartache for that which I cant change and move.
It is not about me, it never is about ‘I”, but always about ‘others’ and Him.

Girls, just as God has challenged me again, I challenge you now, let us not be found offering ‘lip services’ to God, being caught up with the atmosphere others have created by pursuing His heart. Let us not raised hands and worship and offer an emotional response which has no roots, no commitment, no substance in it.

I’m challenging myself, and speaking to myself as much as I am to you.

Listen to yourself, listen to what you are singing.

What does ‘giving honour, giving your life means?

Song after song after song we make powerful declaration of a surrendered life, giving total devotion, wanting more of Him, He’s all we need etc etc. Is it really true? Do we really mean it? Do we live lives with such hunger, such abandonment in pursuit of Him and nothing else is more important? Let the words sink…

Yes, we need to response to His passionate love for us with our hearts. No we can’t disengagement emotions from it.

But there has to be more depth than a few minutes of emotional response at a service, and come back again for another round the next week

Kris Gug. challenged our Creative team this week. No preacher would ‘dare’ to preach if he hasn’t got a word from God and has something to say. He asked us, what do we have to say / impart as we go on stage? And he said, don’t go on stage if you haven’t got anything to ‘say’. Go ask God for something to ‘say’ cos even though we don’t have the preacher’s microphone, but singing is very much preaching too through body language, through leading in the spirit etc.

What do you have to say to your friends? What does your life say about your Saviour?
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Wherever you are at in your journey with God, lets continue on this journey together. Lets encourage and spur one another to not sit, get comfortable and ‘fat’ with messages on Sundays, but to lead transformed lives, passionately pursuing our Lord, as He had given us the greatest act of passion and love by dying on the Cross.

As Darlene said to the younger generation at Hillsong Conference, we serve a Holy God, let us never water that down, and walk in His presence with watered reverence for our King, dishonouring what Christ has done for us.

Committed to this journey with you…
Much Love,
Winnie